Sports Fan Kryptonite

This is the most dangerous sentence for a sports fan:

If (hopeful statement about your favorite team)...(pause)...you never know.

For example, I live in Athens, Ohio. I go to Ohio University. I go to school with a LOT of Cincinnati Reds fans and a LOT of Cleveland sports fans. For fan bases that have been deprived of championships (or simply winning, in Cleveland's case), that sentence has been verbally sputtered prematurely so many times that it makes the sports fan in me weep, because t's nearly impossible to avoid.

In most cases, I root for every drought-prone franchise to win - Chicago Cubs? Yup. pre-2004 Boston Red Sox? Absolutely. Detroit Lions? Matthew Stafford, let's win a ring. Philadelphia Flyers?........don't get crazy.

I want fans from everywhere to feel the joy I felt when the Steelers won the Super Bowl or the total euphoria that washed over me when the Penguins won the Stanley Cup (the second of those being much more rewarding.) But the Reds are 26-20, tied for first place in the NL Central, and I frequently have conversations with my roommate Tony that go a little like this:

Tony: WOOHOO! REDS WIN!

Grant: I saw that! Another come-from-behind win too, that's pretty sweet. Think they can keep it up?

Tony: I definitely think so...I mean if they can survive until July, get (Edison) Volquez off the DL and call up (Aroldis) Chapman, they can move some guys to the bullpen and win 90 games. 90 games wins the NL Central, or at least gets the wild card spot...You never know.

The funniest part? As a similarly woe-stricken Pirates fan (Pirates haven't had a winning season since '92, Reds haven't won a World Series since '90), I completely understand his logic. Take, for example, April 18, 2010...just a little over a month ago...my Pirates had just finished a three-game home sweep of Tony's Reds, were 7-5 and were a half game out of first place. Conversation, please (note: ever since NBA teams started using "Los (nickname)" on their jerseys, we've called the Pirates exactly what I did in this conversation):

Grant: LOS BUCCOS! They win again!

Jason (friend from Pittsburgh): Dude, stop. You do this every year. Just stop.

Grant: But seriously! If they can sustain this pitching until June, they can call up (Pedro) Alvarez, stick him at third, move Andy Laroche - who's batting almost .400, by the way - to second, and have a killer lineup! Dude, you never know!

There was room for optimism in Pittsburgh. All the Pirates had to do was compete in their next series, a three-gamer at home against Milwaukee, a team Pittsburgh never plays well. Even if they won one of three, but genuinely competed with the Brewers, I'd have been one happy fan. Heck, 8-7 in the first fifteen games is 86 wins in a season!

Series result? 

Game one: Milwaukee - 8; Pittsburgh - 1. 

Game two: Milwaukee - 8; Pittsburgh - 0. 

Game three: Milwaukee - 20; Pittsburgh - 0.

My team fell flat on its face. Bye-bye, optimism.

So I've finally figured out that this is not only a problem, but a genuine disease. Attention championship-deprived sports fans: avoid the You-Never-Know syndrome. Symptoms include: throbbing headaches, misplaced hope way too early in a season and mindlessly believing that the plot from "Major League" could actually happen.

The You-Never-Know syndrome - the kryptonite of all sports fans. 

"But Grant, is there an antidote besides finally winning a title?"

I wish I had a better answer for you, friends, but there is not. However, if you believe you have the symptoms of YNK, there is a silver lining. 

You're completely normal. There's no way out, but having hope, even when misplaced, is better than having no hope at all. If you never have hope, you weren't a fan of that team in the first place. 

Because, for me, I'd rather have hope at 26-20, 7-5 or even at 0-0 than to start the season saying, "there's no way this is our year. I know it isn't."

So, winning-deprived fan bases, please keep the faith. Because you just never know.

-----------------------------

Stay tuned for episodes three and four of the ABL podcast, when Rob Guliano joins me to talk about our favorite sports media personalities, and when Carter Rodriguez makes an appearance to fuel my sudden liking for the NBA playoffs.

ABL Podcast - Episode Two

Episode two of the ABL podcast is uploaded to the site! In the second episode, Tanner Smith and I talked about the NBA/NHL playoffs, mustaches, bad wardrobes, more crowd colors, and our favorite scenes from sports movies. Enjoy!

Link to the ABL podcast - Episode Two

Green Men:

Hilliard Davidson Pranks Hilliard Darby Fans:

Our favorite sports movie scenes - the number ones

Tanner's favorite scene from a sports movie:

Grant's favorite scene:

Today in Craig Sager's Wardrobe - the Exploding Cantaloupe:

Trey Hillman - former KC Royals manager and owner of a great mustache:

ABL Podcast - Episode One

I have a new wrinkle to "A Brighter Look."

Podcasting. Short, fun, more personal audio files of me talking sports. Don't worry, I'll keep writing on the site, but talking is just so very fun, so I'm taking advantage.

Here's the link to the first ever ABL podcast.

A few things for you, now the listener, to know:

1. I'm asking for you to be a part of my cast. How can you do that? EMAIL ME. abrighterlook@gmail.com is the way to get in touch with the podcast and get your opinions heard. This week, if you listen, I'm asking you to submit your favorite crowd color (Penn State white, Golden State Yellow, etc.)...so you should definitely do that. I'll be reading the responses on the cast next episode.

2. This is just a trial thing for me, so if there's any way you think I could improve it, please let me know. I really enjoy radio, and since I can't quite broadcast radio straight to your ears, this is the next best thing.

Here are some pictures of the best crowd colors:

1. Penn State - White

2. Golden State - Yellow

3. Philadelphia - Orange

4. Champions League - Multi-colored (aka - making us look like amateurs)

Why the NHL Should be Rooting for Boston to Win the Cup

A few things for you to understand before I make this statement:

1. I'm from Pittsburgh, so the Penguins are my team, but in general I love hockey more. I think it's one of the two best sports in the world and I'd like nothing more than the sport that I love to have an NFL-sized fan base and a big TV contract.

2. Along those lines, the NHL is an extremely regional league. In most cases, the majority of a franchise's fans live (or have lived) very close to their team.

3. For reasons I can understand - it's the same way with me and the NBA - if you weren't "born" a hockey fan, you aren't currently a hockey fan.

4. More people read ESPN.com articles now than ever before, especially those written by Boston-native Bill Simmons, who has an absolutely enormous readership (for good reason).

So, that being said, the NHL advocate in me wouldn't totally hate it if the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup.

Before you Pittsburgh fans rush my dorm room to tar and feather me (obviously the correct punishment in this situation), I want you to consider a few things:

- If Boston were to win the Cup, the likelihood that the ever-popular Simmons would write post-season articles about hockey would skyrocket.

- In turn, his readers, hopefully in bulk, would at least entertain the idea of finding Versus on their televisions (a tough task) and watching amazing athletes play a sport on a sheet of ice. (Let me repeat: hockey players do things that other athletes do - pass, shoot, score - but they do it frozen water.)

- It's possible that some of those readers who weren't hockey fans before would be turned on to the game.

- the NHL might be able to overcome the regional nature of the game and attract fans from non-NHL cities.

- And hockey fans wouldn't have to deal with explaining themselves when asked the condescending question: "How can you like hockey? You can't even see the puck!" (the equivalent of "I've never watched a game in HD before!")

But because we can't rely on Gary Bettman to market the NHL, I'm saying it's now up to Bill Simmons to get the word out about hockey.

The problem is: by the time Simmons would write an article about the Bruins winning the Cup, the season would be over and there would be no more hockey for these new fans to watch...and that's a shame, because if that were the case, the commish wouldn't know what to do with all the new publicity. He'd probably just blow yet another chance to market his league. All the intrigued potential hockey fans would have no hockey to watch, and thus, to the casual sports fan who's bored by the thuggery and bad refereeing of the NBA or the horrible economics of MLB, the zeal of the new, fast, exciting NHL would fade away forever.

Penguins over Bruins in seven if they meet in the Eastern Conference Finals.

So this doesn't even matter. It won't happen. Go Pens

Thanks for reading.

A Brighter Look...BACK!

After a long delay, the ABL is back. I'm sure your life lacked without my shallow, sports-obsessed thoughts, but I hope this blog provides a little ray of sunshine for your day (See what I did there? Sunshine? "Brighter Look?")

Anyway, I'm quite excited to get back to writing, and as many of you know, I'm not shy about sharing details of my life with anyone. I'd be happy to tell you my life story, but I know that you really don't care. You want my take on sports. And that is absolutely fine, I like it that way. What I would like to do though, mostly to get me back in the writing groove, is to re-acclimate you to Grant Burkhardt the writer, the person, and the sports fanatic. So here are a few things about me.

1. I am, without a doubt, the worst text-messager in the history of cell phones. If I'm texting you and you go hours without getting a response, it's not because I don't like you...I just get sidetracked and forget. So, in advance, I'm sorry.

2. I think there are very few things better than the post-cereal drink of milk. Seriously, eat a bowl of cereal and tell me you weren't just ecstatic to get to the milk, which tastes remotely like the type of cereal you were chowing down.

2a. Favorite cereal: Special K

2b. Favorite post-cereal milk taste: Cheerios

3. Is there anything more demoralizing than your team having a bad start to the baseball season? As a baseball fan, there's nothing worse than your team losing 14 of its first 20 and leaving you saying, "oh gosh, we have to play 140 more of these wretched games? You're KIDDING ME!" I love baseball, but something has to be done to avoid the season being essentially over for Pirates fans before May even begins.

3a. Just saw Dodgers pitcher Hiroki Kuroda give up a bomb to left-center field...random MLB salary figure of the day - Kuroda is making $15,400,000 this season...and he's 19-17 as a starter in the majors. Like I said, something needs to be done here.

4. For the first time in my life, I have the ability to stand up straight, bend at the waist and touch the ground. Thank you Tony Horton and p90x.

5. I've learned that when Tiger Woods says he's changing his life, he doesn't mean the way he deals with reporters. Tiger's post-round interview on Sunday at Augusta revealed that to me. The reporter asked Woods to put this week into perspective...you know, LIFE perspective. And Tiger's response was "I came in fourth."

Yeesh. Yup, he's still a robot.

6. 43 days until the World Cup. USA! USA! USA!

7. Sometimes, my friends and I will have entire conversations that are made up of movie quotes. Don't feel bad...no one besides us can understand what we're talking about, which, most times, is absolutely nothing. I wish I could give you an example, but I fear you'd just stop reading my writing forever.

8. There is no bigger compliment you can give me than to say, "I can hear you talking when I read your writing."

9. I had dinner the other day with a die-hard Cleveland sports fan and I posed this question for him: If you could have all the players who have plagued Cleveland sports in the last 30-plus years together at one press conference (John Elway, Tim Couch, Michael Jordan, etc.) with their intention being to apologize to you for having wronged your city and deprived you of championships, would that make you feel better?

His response: "NO! Because then all anyone would have to do to antagonize us is to hold up a picture of that table of Cleveland anti-Christ's and we'd have no response."

My thought: "I'd have that picture framed and hanging in three different places in my house."

10. Ever wonder what happened with the Walrusman column I wrote back in the fall? I've had people ask, so here's the fallout:

-Somehow, Walrusman found the blog post, printed a bunch of copies, and called me out during class about it. No joke. There was a split second where I was legitimately frightened, but then I realized that I had become a member of the journalistic organization of "Writers Who Have Ticked Off Their Subjects" and then I thought the situation was hilarious.

-He made me sit in the front of the classroom (5th grade style) for the rest of the quarter and made an extra-special final exam (with my name already typed in at the top and on different color paper) for me to take.

-As I made the Walk of Shame to the front of the room, he read off some of my not-so-subtle haymakers aimed in his direction, and then threatened to sue me for "Defamation of Character."

-Then, in a hilarious, not-so-fluid verbal gesture, he mentioned that his tested IQ was 175, turned to me, and said "Grant, what's yours?"

-Then at the end of that particular class period, he offered to pass out copies of my column to the roughly 60-person classroom. My thought? More hits for my site. Is that bad? Ha! No!

11. Writing letters is a passion of mine. I don't get to do it a lot, but there's something about the tradition of it that lures me in, sort of like how black-and-white movies or radio broadcasters or Frank Sinatra will never get old.

12. Speaking of the radio, I'm going to be starting a podcast/online radio show for the Champs Sports Network, and I need some help from you. As of now, the show will be called "A Brighter Look with Grant Burkhardt" and it will be broadcast live weekly on CSN with segment ideas like "Today in Craig Sager's Wardrobe" among others.

What I'd like to hear from you is what ideas you have for show segments and for the title of the show. Don't like "A Brighter Look?" Tell me what you'd rather have the show called. I only get a limited number of views on this site (except, of course, when i talk about Walrusman), but I do value your opinions.

As always, thanks for reading.