Sports Fan Kryptonite

This is the most dangerous sentence for a sports fan:

If (hopeful statement about your favorite team)...(pause)...you never know.

For example, I live in Athens, Ohio. I go to Ohio University. I go to school with a LOT of Cincinnati Reds fans and a LOT of Cleveland sports fans. For fan bases that have been deprived of championships (or simply winning, in Cleveland's case), that sentence has been verbally sputtered prematurely so many times that it makes the sports fan in me weep, because t's nearly impossible to avoid.

In most cases, I root for every drought-prone franchise to win - Chicago Cubs? Yup. pre-2004 Boston Red Sox? Absolutely. Detroit Lions? Matthew Stafford, let's win a ring. Philadelphia Flyers?........don't get crazy.

I want fans from everywhere to feel the joy I felt when the Steelers won the Super Bowl or the total euphoria that washed over me when the Penguins won the Stanley Cup (the second of those being much more rewarding.) But the Reds are 26-20, tied for first place in the NL Central, and I frequently have conversations with my roommate Tony that go a little like this:

Tony: WOOHOO! REDS WIN!

Grant: I saw that! Another come-from-behind win too, that's pretty sweet. Think they can keep it up?

Tony: I definitely think so...I mean if they can survive until July, get (Edison) Volquez off the DL and call up (Aroldis) Chapman, they can move some guys to the bullpen and win 90 games. 90 games wins the NL Central, or at least gets the wild card spot...You never know.

The funniest part? As a similarly woe-stricken Pirates fan (Pirates haven't had a winning season since '92, Reds haven't won a World Series since '90), I completely understand his logic. Take, for example, April 18, 2010...just a little over a month ago...my Pirates had just finished a three-game home sweep of Tony's Reds, were 7-5 and were a half game out of first place. Conversation, please (note: ever since NBA teams started using "Los (nickname)" on their jerseys, we've called the Pirates exactly what I did in this conversation):

Grant: LOS BUCCOS! They win again!

Jason (friend from Pittsburgh): Dude, stop. You do this every year. Just stop.

Grant: But seriously! If they can sustain this pitching until June, they can call up (Pedro) Alvarez, stick him at third, move Andy Laroche - who's batting almost .400, by the way - to second, and have a killer lineup! Dude, you never know!

There was room for optimism in Pittsburgh. All the Pirates had to do was compete in their next series, a three-gamer at home against Milwaukee, a team Pittsburgh never plays well. Even if they won one of three, but genuinely competed with the Brewers, I'd have been one happy fan. Heck, 8-7 in the first fifteen games is 86 wins in a season!

Series result? 

Game one: Milwaukee - 8; Pittsburgh - 1. 

Game two: Milwaukee - 8; Pittsburgh - 0. 

Game three: Milwaukee - 20; Pittsburgh - 0.

My team fell flat on its face. Bye-bye, optimism.

So I've finally figured out that this is not only a problem, but a genuine disease. Attention championship-deprived sports fans: avoid the You-Never-Know syndrome. Symptoms include: throbbing headaches, misplaced hope way too early in a season and mindlessly believing that the plot from "Major League" could actually happen.

The You-Never-Know syndrome - the kryptonite of all sports fans. 

"But Grant, is there an antidote besides finally winning a title?"

I wish I had a better answer for you, friends, but there is not. However, if you believe you have the symptoms of YNK, there is a silver lining. 

You're completely normal. There's no way out, but having hope, even when misplaced, is better than having no hope at all. If you never have hope, you weren't a fan of that team in the first place. 

Because, for me, I'd rather have hope at 26-20, 7-5 or even at 0-0 than to start the season saying, "there's no way this is our year. I know it isn't."

So, winning-deprived fan bases, please keep the faith. Because you just never know.

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Stay tuned for episodes three and four of the ABL podcast, when Rob Guliano joins me to talk about our favorite sports media personalities, and when Carter Rodriguez makes an appearance to fuel my sudden liking for the NBA playoffs.

And Another Thing...

I don't usually do this, but I feel absolutely compelled to write a short, unplanned column about what I just saw in the Pirates/Nationals game at PNC Park.

Andrew McCutchen just hit his second homer of the game, a two-run shot to the short porch in left field, which gave the Bucs a 7-2 lead. That's not the important play that I want to talk about (even though it is great to see Cutch's power starting to come through); what I want to talk about is much more exciting, much more surprising, and much more intangible.

Immediately after Cutch's homer, new Pirates left-fielder Lastings Milledge came up to the plate, saw two pitches, and then popped a ball up to the second baseman. No harm done, right? Inning over, but the Pirates scored 4 and took a big le -- (still watching) -- "is Milledge running out a pop fly???? OH MY GOODNESS HE IS, HE'S HUSTLING AND IS HALFWAY TO SECOND! AMAZING!!!"

Yes, old-fashioned baseball fans, a player in a game in 2009 just ran so hard that he ended up rounding second base as the defensive player caught the ball for the final out.

More importantly, for a guy like Lastings Milledge, maligned as a lazy, unmotivated underachiever, to be the player running hard on that play is even more amazing than the play itself. If Milledge keeps that chip-on-his-shoulder attitude alive, along with his bat (4 RBI in now-one-and-a-half games), we may have banked something special in the outfield at PNC.

Meanwhile, more new Pirates have made great debuts for their respective minor league clubs: 1B Jeff Clement (acquired in the Jack Wilson trade with Seattle) had 2 HR's in his first game for AAA-Indianapolis last night, and Tim Alderson (from SF for Freddy Sanchez) has given up one run in five innings while striking out four for AA-Altoona tonight (game still in progress).

Look, I know I'm jumping the gun on most (if not all) these new players, but as much as I hate to ask the question, I have to: could hope for the Pirates future come this quick?

Finally, the Pirates are doing the right thing

It's horrid. It's disappointing. It's the same old thing. It's sad. It's embarrassing.

Of all the emotions that come with the most recent overhauling "effort" of the Pittsburgh Pirates, seemingly the most important statement is this:

It's...correct.

As much as it pains me to say it, this strategy taken by the Bucco front office may be the only way for a once-proud franchise to become, well, proud once again.

I'm just as pissed as you are, Pirates fans, and I'd be right next to you if you boycotted this weekend's wonderful baseball series against the Nationals, but think about this: every other time the management has told you they are rebuilding, have they ever just absolutely started over? You know, admitted defeat and cleaned house? Hell, sometimes it doesn't even take losing to begin again (hello, Florida Marlins), but in the case of the Pirates, it makes loads of sense. (New idea for team slogan: Pride. Passion. The Pittsburgh Prospects)

(I'm most upset that I lost my favorite ballpark game with one of the recent trades. See, I used to play this game called "How many pitches will it take Adam LaRoche to strike out?" every time he would bat when I was in attendance [4 was my go-to number; usually he'd dig into a solid 0-2 hole, take a pitch, and then miss an inside curveball by three or four feet], but now he's in Boston with J-Bay, and I've lost my game. Oh well, maybe if the Sox make the playoffs I can take that game national)

They are finally deciding that they've failed (way to go guys, it only took 16 years to figure that one out...sheesh), and MAYBE this is the best way to turn it around.

And yes, they're going to feed you more of the "we're building for the future" junk, but you have to keep believing, because once you're a fan, it's tough to un-fan yourself. (You know who you are, you who claims to "never watch a game again until they pull their heads out of the River and learn how to manage a baseball team," how is that actually working for you? I bet you could tell me the score of their last game [1-0 loss to the Giants in 10 innings, the sixth time the Bucs have been shut out in 20 games, thank you very much])

Anyway, all I'm saying is, yes, it sucks, but they didn't just dump some of the dead weight salary on the team, they dumped all of it. They didn't just dump some of the faces of the team, they dumped all of them.

So, let's get to 2013, when the names will be McCutchen, Alvarez, Jones, Tabata, Milledge, etc.- there's no way the outlook could be as bleak for that team as it is now. That'll be year twenty of the losing seasons streak, a record in futility equaling the magnitude of DiMaggio's 56-gamer. But, if they get to 2013 and better results don't come, then fine, scream and holler just like you've been doing since '92 (you're pretty good at that by now), and until then, have a great time watching games at beautiful PNC Park, "where there will be no making fun of visiting teams here, only your own."

And hey, who knows, maybe this will work. Or maybe it won't and we'll trade everyone to the AL East to continue our tradition of being the farm system for the rest of the league.

Either way, there's always tomorrow's game to not watch.